j_gabrielle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
j_gabrielle) wrote2010-09-23 01:37 pm
j_gabrielle) wrote2010-09-23 01:37 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: Leaving you, Finding me
Title: Leaving you, Finding me
Pairing: broken!EunHae, friendship!EunTeuk, HaeOC, reference to KyuMin
Rating: PG for some sexual references or more than references thereof.
Summary: Sometimes the best things in life you just have to let go.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kimonochi has kindly let me play in her sandbox with this fic. Best read after reading her awesomeness which is Only for You(She made me do it). It's a part of her After The Dust Settles series. Please forgive me for my fail, my dear. /goes curl up in a corner
He doesn’t tell anyone where he was going. He tells his mum, though. Not because he wants to, but if Lee Hyukjae was anything, he was a filial son. So he tells his mum that he’ll be taking a trip soon, and yes, he’ll call and send an e-mail from wherever he was. And of course, he’ll take of himself, send pictures and remember not to trust water that comes without a sealed cap. He submits his two weeks notice discreetly not making a fuss out of it, and when asked, he just says that he’s tired of the view outside his window.
In the end he tells Leteuk. He tells him the day before he has to leave when they meet for their bi-weekly cup of coffee, making the former leader promise, swear that he would not tell another soul.
“Is this about Donghae?” The older man asks, appraising him from over the rim of his coffee cup. His baby is snug in the swath of pink fabric that nestles her from the cold, although how she could have been cold in the toasty warmth of the cafe is beyond him. Eunhyuk merely swirling the remains of his cup around, watching it leave trails as it moves. “Hyukkie-ah. It’s about him right? You guys never ended. Not even when we did, didn’t you?”
He shrugs. “Yes. And no. Hyung...” He begins, only to stop when he feels a hand cover his.
He looks up to see a smile gracing Jungsu’s lips. The same smile that had had comforted them all in the darkness of the night when they’d all been so unsure, so insecure, so young. The same smile that brightens up their day, makes them forget their weariness and gives them strength to trudge on despite being dead on their feet from 18 hours straight of schedules. Eunhyuk never really realised he’d missed this. The small things that this man did that tells him that it’s ok, that everything will be ok. “Donghae... He’s... a part of me, you know? And I-I love him soo much. I absolutely do...”
“But?”
“But I can’t. Do this. Anymore. All the longing, the anguish, the ‘what ifs’. The times we spend together that are too short and too brief.” He pauses, wringing his hands. “I'm starting to want more. More than he can ever give me.” Looking out into the January sky, he watches as the world passes them by, all that separates their worlds is cold glass. “Don’t... Think that we’re cheating behind her back or anything. She knows. About Hae and me. She has even let him stayed over at my place and all that. Hell, she’s even participated sometimes...” He stops to gauge his hyung’s reaction. Upon seeing nothing but cool collected Leeteuk staring back, he continues. “I just wish. Sometimes. That she weren’t in the picture. It’s selfish. I know.” He shrugs, resumes playing with the contents of his cup. “But she makes him happy. He’s happy, truly happy with her and the kids. And him happy, makes me happy too. And I can’t begrudge someone who makes him happy. Never could.” He laughs, wryly.
“So this is your way of dealing? By taking yourself out of the picture?” Leeteuk’s quiet voice says. He catches the emotion that flits pass Leeteuk’s eyes. “Would you be happy?”
“Does it matter?” He smiles bitterly. “I’m almost 40, hyung. The one person I’ve loved... Is him. And I don’t think I could love or give myself to anyone else the way I gave myself to him.”
Sighing, he can’t help the wistful smile that graces his lips when the baby begins to coo and Leeteuk leans down into the carrier and picks her up, cradling her close to him. “In a few years or so, his kids are going to ask why their dad touches me different than the way he touches other men. They’re gonna ask about why their dad doesn’t come home at some nights. They're gonna want to know why dad disappears into the room with me when I visit. They’re also going to wonder about their father kissing me. Max already asked me if he could kiss me the way his dad does.”
Eunhyuk struggles to contain the grin when Jungsu sputters and rocks his baby, staring at him incredulously. “All I’m saying is that he has a family now. I-I don’t want him to miss out on his sons. They grow up too fast.” He adds, casting a look at the baby in his hyung’s arms. “He loves being a dad.”
“So you want to play the martyr? Is that it? Hyuk-ah, he loves you. Even the blind can see that! Granted, your relationship or relationships in this case is a little... complicated, he’ll miss you if you leave. You'll break his heart.” Pausing to put the baby back into the carrier and wrapping her up in pink, “I take it you didn’t tell him right?”
“No.” He looks up and calls for the bill, something that causes one of Leeteuk’s eyebrows to curve upwards. “He’ll get over it. You know how he is. Attention span of the ADD man-child.” The comment causes a small laugh to bubble up between them both. “Playing the martyr... Is better than playing the one who makes him choose. And you and I both know I got no balls in making him choose.”
“But Hyuk, don’t you think you’re doing what Kyuhyun did?” Jungsu says sadly as he packs his baby into the backseat of his car when they reach the parking lot, while Eunhyuk stands by the side marvelling in the quick practiced slides and buckles.
“Just... Promise me? You won’t tell anyone? I’ll call. To tell you I’m alive. Just please? I just need some time to figure out what to do next.” Eunhyuk bites down on the reaction that threatens to spill at the comment. He’d been there, seen it first hand what Kyuhyun’s departure did to Sungmin. How wrecked their friend had been.
Frowning, Leeteuk leans against the door of his car, “Why are you telling me this? Entrusting me... Not that I’m not happy you chose to come to me. But we weren’t exactly all that close, you know?”
“Because you’re my hyung, Teuk. Always have been and always will be.” He smiles then, genuine all gums and teeth when Leeteuk sighs and envelopes him in a hug before getting into the car.
“Be careful okay, monkey?” And he doesn’t find it in him to lash out at the hated moniker.
His place would be rented out to Alison from Australia. She’d been in need of a last minute place and his was the most convenient; fully-furnished, all amenities taken care of. Most convenient indeed. They’d agreed that his things would go into the store room in the hall and that she could either keep or sell the furniture, but the look in her eye when she’d come to take a look at the place had told him that he’d wouldn’t have to worry much about change. She’d transfer money to wherever he would be at the start of the month. All that was left after the paperwork was to pack his things.
Every surface, every inch of this house bleeds of something that they had once done. Memories seem to leak from every nook and cranny. The kitchen counter where they’d taken many meals together and that one time Donghae gave him a blowjob on, the sofa where they’d watched so many shows and made out on more times than he could count. The mattress in his bedroom where they’d slept, fucked, where he’d cried into his pillow when he wakes up alone in the morning. The shower where he’d tries to drown himself under whenever Donghae promises he’d call or come over and he doesn’t because ‘something just came up with the kids’. He knows he probably sounds like a mean bitch, jealous, petty, green-eyed monster rearing its head from the inner darkest depths of him. But...
Eunhyuk loves her too. And Max and Jay. He loves them and that’s what hurts the most. He loves all of them. He runs a thumb over the picture of them in the silver frame. The Lee family last Christmas, crowding in amongst the torn present wrappers, gifts. It’d taken him a whole day of braving the cold December winds to find it (in an antique shop tucked away in the back alleys of Incheon, it was silver wrought with swimming fishes) and it has been framing this picture for almost two months now. He smiles ruefully, tracing the faces of the boys, their mother, and finally their father. The wide smile, the crinkle of familiar eyes, mouth that he knows even better than his own. He’ll miss this, he thinks as he wraps the picture up in bubble wrap and placing it into the box that’s beginning to fill up with other picture frames, amongst other things. But enough is enough. Sometimes a story just needs to end.
“Where are you heading?” Alison asks as she helps him moves his bags into the closet. She’s arrived early, and instead of finding it annoying and over-eager, Eunhyuk is actually quite happy. She’s pretty enough, long lithe body, auburn hair tied up in a bun. Her Korean is accented and stilting, but for some reason he finds it endearing.
He closes the door and turns around, “New York. Going to see the shows on Broadway.” He smiles, picking up his coat. He hands her the keys, shrugging on his bag. Alison suddenly leans forward and captures him in a soft kiss. He’s stunned, yes. But figures it must be one of those oddities that come with being a woman and a foreigner in foreign lands.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She smiles as they walk out into the street together. The taxi driver asks him where he wants to go, he pauses before giving directions. When the car turns the corner, he asks the man to stop and wait. Eunhyuk doesn’t actually get out of the car, merely sits and watches as Donghae and his kids roughhouse in the yard. Hears the squeals of delight as Max tumbles over his father and followed closely by his brother, watches as their mum brings out the steaming mugs of hot chocolate. He may have let a few tears lose then, wishing it was he who’d been the one Donghae Eskimo kissed, the one who picked up their youngest and carries him in when he starts to sneeze.
“Hey Mister, just so you know. I run on the meter yeah?”
“Ah? Oh, sorry. Um... the airport please.” He says sniffing into his sleeve. He doesn’t look back then, doesn’t catch the look Donghae throws at the car that turns the corner.
A/N: I hadn't expected this to be this long winded and long. Forgive me bb! D:Reviews make the plot bunnies happy.
Pairing: broken!EunHae, friendship!EunTeuk, HaeOC, reference to KyuMin
Rating: PG for some sexual references or more than references thereof.
Summary: Sometimes the best things in life you just have to let go.
kimonochi has kindly let me play in her sandbox with this fic. Best read after reading her awesomeness which is Only for You(She made me do it). It's a part of her After The Dust Settles series. Please forgive me for my fail, my dear. /goes curl up in a cornerHe doesn’t tell anyone where he was going. He tells his mum, though. Not because he wants to, but if Lee Hyukjae was anything, he was a filial son. So he tells his mum that he’ll be taking a trip soon, and yes, he’ll call and send an e-mail from wherever he was. And of course, he’ll take of himself, send pictures and remember not to trust water that comes without a sealed cap. He submits his two weeks notice discreetly not making a fuss out of it, and when asked, he just says that he’s tired of the view outside his window.
In the end he tells Leteuk. He tells him the day before he has to leave when they meet for their bi-weekly cup of coffee, making the former leader promise, swear that he would not tell another soul.
“Is this about Donghae?” The older man asks, appraising him from over the rim of his coffee cup. His baby is snug in the swath of pink fabric that nestles her from the cold, although how she could have been cold in the toasty warmth of the cafe is beyond him. Eunhyuk merely swirling the remains of his cup around, watching it leave trails as it moves. “Hyukkie-ah. It’s about him right? You guys never ended. Not even when we did, didn’t you?”
He shrugs. “Yes. And no. Hyung...” He begins, only to stop when he feels a hand cover his.
He looks up to see a smile gracing Jungsu’s lips. The same smile that had had comforted them all in the darkness of the night when they’d all been so unsure, so insecure, so young. The same smile that brightens up their day, makes them forget their weariness and gives them strength to trudge on despite being dead on their feet from 18 hours straight of schedules. Eunhyuk never really realised he’d missed this. The small things that this man did that tells him that it’s ok, that everything will be ok. “Donghae... He’s... a part of me, you know? And I-I love him soo much. I absolutely do...”
“But?”
“But I can’t. Do this. Anymore. All the longing, the anguish, the ‘what ifs’. The times we spend together that are too short and too brief.” He pauses, wringing his hands. “I'm starting to want more. More than he can ever give me.” Looking out into the January sky, he watches as the world passes them by, all that separates their worlds is cold glass. “Don’t... Think that we’re cheating behind her back or anything. She knows. About Hae and me. She has even let him stayed over at my place and all that. Hell, she’s even participated sometimes...” He stops to gauge his hyung’s reaction. Upon seeing nothing but cool collected Leeteuk staring back, he continues. “I just wish. Sometimes. That she weren’t in the picture. It’s selfish. I know.” He shrugs, resumes playing with the contents of his cup. “But she makes him happy. He’s happy, truly happy with her and the kids. And him happy, makes me happy too. And I can’t begrudge someone who makes him happy. Never could.” He laughs, wryly.
“So this is your way of dealing? By taking yourself out of the picture?” Leeteuk’s quiet voice says. He catches the emotion that flits pass Leeteuk’s eyes. “Would you be happy?”
“Does it matter?” He smiles bitterly. “I’m almost 40, hyung. The one person I’ve loved... Is him. And I don’t think I could love or give myself to anyone else the way I gave myself to him.”
Sighing, he can’t help the wistful smile that graces his lips when the baby begins to coo and Leeteuk leans down into the carrier and picks her up, cradling her close to him. “In a few years or so, his kids are going to ask why their dad touches me different than the way he touches other men. They’re gonna ask about why their dad doesn’t come home at some nights. They're gonna want to know why dad disappears into the room with me when I visit. They’re also going to wonder about their father kissing me. Max already asked me if he could kiss me the way his dad does.”
Eunhyuk struggles to contain the grin when Jungsu sputters and rocks his baby, staring at him incredulously. “All I’m saying is that he has a family now. I-I don’t want him to miss out on his sons. They grow up too fast.” He adds, casting a look at the baby in his hyung’s arms. “He loves being a dad.”
“So you want to play the martyr? Is that it? Hyuk-ah, he loves you. Even the blind can see that! Granted, your relationship or relationships in this case is a little... complicated, he’ll miss you if you leave. You'll break his heart.” Pausing to put the baby back into the carrier and wrapping her up in pink, “I take it you didn’t tell him right?”
“No.” He looks up and calls for the bill, something that causes one of Leeteuk’s eyebrows to curve upwards. “He’ll get over it. You know how he is. Attention span of the ADD man-child.” The comment causes a small laugh to bubble up between them both. “Playing the martyr... Is better than playing the one who makes him choose. And you and I both know I got no balls in making him choose.”
“But Hyuk, don’t you think you’re doing what Kyuhyun did?” Jungsu says sadly as he packs his baby into the backseat of his car when they reach the parking lot, while Eunhyuk stands by the side marvelling in the quick practiced slides and buckles.
“Just... Promise me? You won’t tell anyone? I’ll call. To tell you I’m alive. Just please? I just need some time to figure out what to do next.” Eunhyuk bites down on the reaction that threatens to spill at the comment. He’d been there, seen it first hand what Kyuhyun’s departure did to Sungmin. How wrecked their friend had been.
Frowning, Leeteuk leans against the door of his car, “Why are you telling me this? Entrusting me... Not that I’m not happy you chose to come to me. But we weren’t exactly all that close, you know?”
“Because you’re my hyung, Teuk. Always have been and always will be.” He smiles then, genuine all gums and teeth when Leeteuk sighs and envelopes him in a hug before getting into the car.
“Be careful okay, monkey?” And he doesn’t find it in him to lash out at the hated moniker.
His place would be rented out to Alison from Australia. She’d been in need of a last minute place and his was the most convenient; fully-furnished, all amenities taken care of. Most convenient indeed. They’d agreed that his things would go into the store room in the hall and that she could either keep or sell the furniture, but the look in her eye when she’d come to take a look at the place had told him that he’d wouldn’t have to worry much about change. She’d transfer money to wherever he would be at the start of the month. All that was left after the paperwork was to pack his things.
Every surface, every inch of this house bleeds of something that they had once done. Memories seem to leak from every nook and cranny. The kitchen counter where they’d taken many meals together and that one time Donghae gave him a blowjob on, the sofa where they’d watched so many shows and made out on more times than he could count. The mattress in his bedroom where they’d slept, fucked, where he’d cried into his pillow when he wakes up alone in the morning. The shower where he’d tries to drown himself under whenever Donghae promises he’d call or come over and he doesn’t because ‘something just came up with the kids’. He knows he probably sounds like a mean bitch, jealous, petty, green-eyed monster rearing its head from the inner darkest depths of him. But...
Eunhyuk loves her too. And Max and Jay. He loves them and that’s what hurts the most. He loves all of them. He runs a thumb over the picture of them in the silver frame. The Lee family last Christmas, crowding in amongst the torn present wrappers, gifts. It’d taken him a whole day of braving the cold December winds to find it (in an antique shop tucked away in the back alleys of Incheon, it was silver wrought with swimming fishes) and it has been framing this picture for almost two months now. He smiles ruefully, tracing the faces of the boys, their mother, and finally their father. The wide smile, the crinkle of familiar eyes, mouth that he knows even better than his own. He’ll miss this, he thinks as he wraps the picture up in bubble wrap and placing it into the box that’s beginning to fill up with other picture frames, amongst other things. But enough is enough. Sometimes a story just needs to end.
“Where are you heading?” Alison asks as she helps him moves his bags into the closet. She’s arrived early, and instead of finding it annoying and over-eager, Eunhyuk is actually quite happy. She’s pretty enough, long lithe body, auburn hair tied up in a bun. Her Korean is accented and stilting, but for some reason he finds it endearing.
He closes the door and turns around, “New York. Going to see the shows on Broadway.” He smiles, picking up his coat. He hands her the keys, shrugging on his bag. Alison suddenly leans forward and captures him in a soft kiss. He’s stunned, yes. But figures it must be one of those oddities that come with being a woman and a foreigner in foreign lands.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She smiles as they walk out into the street together. The taxi driver asks him where he wants to go, he pauses before giving directions. When the car turns the corner, he asks the man to stop and wait. Eunhyuk doesn’t actually get out of the car, merely sits and watches as Donghae and his kids roughhouse in the yard. Hears the squeals of delight as Max tumbles over his father and followed closely by his brother, watches as their mum brings out the steaming mugs of hot chocolate. He may have let a few tears lose then, wishing it was he who’d been the one Donghae Eskimo kissed, the one who picked up their youngest and carries him in when he starts to sneeze.
“Hey Mister, just so you know. I run on the meter yeah?”
“Ah? Oh, sorry. Um... the airport please.” He says sniffing into his sleeve. He doesn’t look back then, doesn’t catch the look Donghae throws at the car that turns the corner.
A/N: I hadn't expected this to be this long winded and long. Forgive me bb! D:Reviews make the plot bunnies happy.
no subject
no subject
I'm going to have to stalk your journal now too.
no subject